I read every magazine

Joe Weider’s staff puts out

‘Cause staying strong and living long

Is what life’s all about

 

It takes a lot of inner strength

To diet and to strive

For a lifetime of commitment

To keep the dream alive

 

I pump iron every day

And anyway I can

This salty, gritty sweat is why

They call me "muscleman"

 

They say, "No pain, no gain", and so,

I place a great demand

Upon my heart and tendons and

-Pituitary Gland

 

My stomach’s like a washboard,

My bicep’s, like a rock

I don’t move, I ripple and

My glutes would stop a clock

 

Some men say that I’m silly

But, won’t say it to my face

Just watch them in their swimtrunks

As they suck in their disgrace

 

I hear the page, I’m on the stage

The floorboards almost crumble

The spotlight’s next, my hamstrings flex

I hear the judges mumble

 

My teeth like pearls, my eyebrow curls

It’s hard to see I’m humble

I start to brood, I’d kill for food

I hear my stomach rumble

 

Finally, the count is through

The trophy’s in My hand

The reason why, is Joe and My

-Pituitary Gland

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